Priming Yourself for Tantric Experiences
(Temporary) Wellness Saint
Tantric experiences are ‘earned’. You don’t get to have them just because you want them. Getting access to orgasmic bliss is reserved for the ones with physical discipline, emotional maturity, healthy relationships, spiritual openness and enough mental clarity to be able ‘download’, understand and integrate the insights.
When you are having tantric sex or receiving a tantric massage you could say that you are standing at the gates of heaven, and the Universe is judging whether it will let you in or not, and how far.
Tantra asks something from you. Just like everything worthwhile. It requires your body to be receptive, your intent to be pure (no agenda, no goal), your mind to be calm and your heart to be open. If you have a tantric partner then your relationship is to be rooted in trust, care, openness and good intentions for each other. If you want your sex to lead to otherworldly experiences, that is. Now I make it sound like you need to become an angel. That is not necessary. But some cleansing and upgrading is.
How to cleanse and upgrade?
From personal experience I suggest this cleansing and upgrading should take place in steps. Discipline is finite and we live in a world drenched in sin, so good luck abstaining from everything if you have a normal life to live as well. For this reason I propose this system:
The ‘upgrading and cleansing in steps’ looks as follows: for an X amount of weeks you abstain from everything numbing (processed foods, alcohol, coffee, porn, vibrators, drugs, meds, conventional orgasm etc.). During this period you immerse yourself in tantric practice. You undergo tantric massages, do tantric energy healing to get rid of blockages preventing the energy from going upwards, have tantric sex, do some yoga, read spiritual literature and temporarily avoid events and people that will not support you in this abstinence.
At some point new experiences will come to you, and they will form your new baseline. You’ve just installed a new energetic circuit in yourself and your body and mind will remember. For a woman that could look like experiencing a womb orgasm. For a man that could look like not having premature ejaculation anymore. Now, if you go back to your ‘standard impure living’, you still have access to these experiences - be it in watered-down form.
The next time you do a ‘cleansing’ sprint, again new experiences will arise. In this way you slowly install new baselines in your system that you can experience and fall back on even if you are not in your ‘most angelic’ time period. For a woman that could mean, for example, having access to vaginal pleasure even if you had a clitoral orgasm the day before. For a man that could mean, being able to circulate energy and feel orgasmic even after 1-2 glasses of alcohol. But for that to be possible you have to have attained a new baseline.
A receptive body-mind
Tantra doesn’t care how your body looks, it is interested in how receptive/ sensitive it is. Does it need intense stimulation to get aroused? Or does feather light touch send shivers down your spine? Can you feel arousal moving through your whole body, or is it limited to the genital area? Do you have a functional body or is it too stiff to move spontaneously? Do you generally feel high energy or are you lethargic and rely on stimulants to get through the day? Does the inside of your vagina feel soft and sensual or is it numb, burning and painful?
The first step towards more sensitivity is abstinence from toxic fun. Stop creating a toxic soup within yourself for a little while: leave the drugs, meds, alcohol, nicotine for another day (preferably for forever). Switch your beloved ristretto for the grassy flavour of matcha. The carnivore diet should make room for more vegetarian meals. Easy with the cheeses as well, better switch to their vegan variety. Poultry and white fish are okay. The key is light. Eat lightly. That doesn’t mean be hungry, it means leave the too-grounding foods for later. For guys: stop ejaculating. If you get blue balls do breathing exercises. Remind yourself it’s just a couple of weeks. For women: no vibrators and no clitoral orgasm. There’s no way you can feel subtle energies with such intense, artificial stimulation. A deep vaginal orgasm feels better anyway.
Another important part of this sensitization-process is de-armouring/ trauma release through bodywork. It helps in releasing the physical and emotional holding patterns that accumulate through stress, past experiences, fear, or the habit of staying guarded. These ‘armours’ can appear as tension in the jaw, chest, belly, pelvis, or other areas where the body unconsciously contracts to protect itself. This armour prevents tantric experiences in 2 ways: first it de-sensitizes you and secondly energy cannot move upwards; the ‘armour’ blocks it. This de-armouring is partly done during a tantra massage as well, but you can book a full body de-armouring session for more targeted results. For women yoni de-armouring is very important and is included in a tantra massage. Through conscious breathing, slow touch, relaxation, and pressing of the vaginal walls, opening and the cervix and womb, the armour (stuck emotions and/or areas that have been neglected) dissolves and makes way for softness and feeling again.
Tantric energy healing also dissolves energetic blockages that prevent the energy from moving upwards, oftentimes more subtle in nature. It also works more broadly with the movement and transformation of life energy (often referred to as life force, prana, chi). Rather than focusing specifically on releasing physical tension and opening the body, it aims to dissolve more subtle energetic blocks and to awaken, balance, and circulate energy throughout the body. Good news is, this session can be done remotely.
Engage in a lot of tantric sex. Whether it’s with someone or by yourself. Preferably with someone else, but of course don’t open up to someone that you are not attracted to and do not have a real connection with. How will you gain access to new sexual heights if you don’t have sex (without conventional orgasm of course and without a goal)? Together (tantric sex) or alone (tantric masturbation, tantric massage) you will raise your baseline of what’s possible. Bonus: you will feel so open, healthy, vibrant, attractive and alive with all that sexual energy circulating through your system.
The ego has to take a backseat
When your consciousness is filled with fixed ideas about who you are, whether those ideas are inflated, defensive, or self-critical, there is little room for something new to emerge. The ego, composed of contracted energies in your system, creates density. It fills you with what could otherwise be occupied by subtle, new energies, by pure awareness and by connection.
Tantric experiences require a certain emptiness: not emptiness as a lack, but emptiness as openness. A willingness to receive. A willingness to experience without thinking, needing to control, label, or define what is happening. A willingness to connect without arrogance.
When the ego softens, it creates space for something greater to ‘come in and come through you’. It is this deeper presence that begins to flow through both of you, giving rise to the spiritual dimension of the experience. At that point, you are no longer trying to make anything happen. Instead, you surrender to what naturally wants to arise from within you and move through you. The experience is no longer something you create but something you allow.
Pure intent
For tantra massage: Come in prepared, but with no expectations, goal or agenda. If you come looking only for a hot experience, an erotic service disguised as tantra may be a better option for you. The deeper possibilities that tantric practices offer will likely remain inaccessible if you want tantric techniques but with regular orgasm.
For tantric sex with a partner: Having pure intent with a partner means approaching intimacy from a place of presence, respect, love, and openness rather than from a desire to take, achieve, prove, overpower, or get something from the other person.
Pure intent does not mean having no desire or no passion. Desire is natural. It means becoming aware of the motivation behind the desire. Instead of approaching sex with an agenda such as “I need to be satisfied,” “I need to reach a certain experience,” “I need my partner to heal me,”“I need to impress them,” or “Only my pleasure counts,” the intention shifts toward “I am here to experience our connection, and to honor what arises between us.”
With a partner, pure intent can look like:
Seeing your partner as a whole person, not as a source of pleasure, validation, or as an ‘experience’;
Being present with their body, emotions, boundaries, and energy;
Creating safety and trust, where both people can relax, open, and be authentic;
Giving without losing yourself and receiving without taking;
Letting the experience unfold naturally instead of chasing a specific outcome, such as a powerful orgasm, an altered state, or a ‘perfect’ tantric experience;
Holding compassion and curiosity when emotions, vulnerability, or old patterns arise.
The moment one of you no longer feels safe, equal to, or connected with the other, the body begins to close. Presence fades. The energy stops flowing. The mind takes over, and the depth of the experience disappears. Then sex becomes a mechanical act again.
Sometimes the obstacle is not you, but your relationship
While personal preparation, parking the ego and pure intent are essential, sometimes the barrier is not within you. In case you are undertaking this with another person, it might be that the relationship itself is not providing the foundation needed for deep tantric connection.
You may have been with someone for years and still not truly know them. You may share a life together but remain disconnected emotionally, spiritually, or intimately. A relationship that feels ‘off’ does not produce a desire to open, connect, and surrender.
Another possibility is that your partner is simply not interested in tantra. They may like the idea of it, but not be willing to do the inner work required to create these experiences together. To arrive at deeper tantric experiences together, both bodies need to become more sensitive, both hearts need to open, both need to learn some skills, and the psychological armour that keeps us protected and closed off needs to soften. Tantra asks for vulnerability, self-awareness, (emotional) responsibility, and presence. Without those qualities, the experience can only go so far. Ask yourself:
Do they find vulnerability uncomfortable?
Do they find intimacy awkward?
Do they see emotional expression as unnecessary or excessive?
Do they find slowness and presence boring?
Do they feel disconnected from spiritual or emotional experiences?
Are they mature enough emotionally, spiritually, and relationally to hold space for you?
And ask yourself the same questions: do you tick these boxes? Or is there some work to here and there? Your soul cannot fully emerge when the other person’s soul remains hidden. You can then only meet each other through the layers of protection, ego, and conditioning. Instead of elevating each other, you begin to pull each other back into old patterns.
If tantra sincerely calls you, but you feel blocked in pursuing this path due to your partner, consult your own inner guru. Ask yourself what needs to shift, what needs to be healed, and what choices align with the person you are becoming.
Gamification of your spiritual quest
Tantra is not something you consume. It is something you intentionally choose. But you don’t have to choose it all the time. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex in a more conventional way. But isn't it wonderful to know that this whole other dimension is available to you whenever you want to enter it?
Personally I also see it as a healthy game. To reach the next level you need to ‘win’ from your lower self’s habitual longings and you also have certain assignments to fulfil (such as new knowledge to attain, skills to train and new awareness to cultivate). When you ‘pass’ everything, you are at a new place where some novel experience (that is given to you by grace and can never be expected or demanded) is waiting for you as a trophy for your efforts.
The real reward is that the work extends far beyond the bedroom. As you cultivate your body, your emotional awareness, your relationship, and your spiritual connection, you become a healthier, happier, and more interesting person. And the more you invest in these pillars (with pure intent), the more extraordinary powers and experiences become available to you.
